Beep, Beep…Here Comes Peng!
Last summer, Amy Eldridge, LWB’s Executive Director, met Peng and was moved to write about him in a blog entitled “Peng’s Chance”. The twinkle in his eyes and sparkle in his heart shine through in each photo we have of him. We can only imagine how he must light up the room in person!"
PENG’S CHANCE
"Peng will be two on Saturday – and we are all hoping that he gets the most special gift of all. We are hoping that a family will see his beautiful face on the shared list and just know he is meant to be their son."
"Seven years ago, we helped advocate for the adoption of a beautiful little girl who also had severe heart disease. Many families would look at her file and say, “It just seems too complex.” But then one night I got a phone call from a mom who said, “We know she is our daughter.” When I told them that doctors weren’t sure how long she would live, she said something so profound that I still think of it almost daily. She said, “How many of us know how many days we have left on this earth? And every day that we get to have her as our daughter will be a day worth treasuring.”
"Her beautiful daughter is now 11 – and has brought amazing joy and love to their family."
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Phil, upon leaving for work after just speaking with Anna, Terry and Anon via Skype, stated, “Hey, if you want to call AAI and see if there are any children available in Thailand right now, I wouldn’t be too opposed to the idea?” I’m glad he said it, because I sure was thinking it.
On May 6, 2011, I emailed Ky at AAI. Janelle Gray retired from AAI and Ky was her replacement for the Thailand program. She proceeded to tell me that our family is too large now to qualify for Thailand, however, we could look at the China special needs program. I never really thought much about China because I always heard the wait was too long and the bureaucracy too painful. But, she proceeded to state that they allow two unrelated children to be adopted at the same time if they fit in the proper criteria, and it is one of the fastest programs available. Speed; Speed is good when you are a military family, so thus started our journey to bring home our two, precious angels from China.
Now on to the real reason why most of you are here; the miraculous story of our son Joshua. As I stated above, on Sunday, June 12, I had just finished reading the posts regarding Peng (Joshua). I remember a few weeks earlier briefly coming across a small ‘to do’ about him, but brushed over it quickly and moved on once I saw that he had a serious congenital heart defect (CHD). But, for some reason that I now know was the Holy Ghost, I was prompted to read further about this little boy. Normally, I would not even consider a child with such a severe, possibly terminal illness, but I could not, nor was I allowed to dismiss him in my heart. As we were hurriedly going out the door to attend church, I turned to Phil and said, “Phil, come and take a quick sec to look at this little boy.”
We were literally walking out the door so Phil hastily appeased my request, skimmed over his picture and didn’t even read any of his write-ups. During his 10 second perusal, all I said was that he had a serious heart defect. After he finished his examination, he jokingly said, “great, wonderful, he’s the one, he’s perfect…now let’s get in the car!”
Okay, I get the hint. But, all during the ride to church and throughout Sacrament meeting, I could not wipe that boy from my mind. Right after Sacrament meeting was over, Phil and I took Brandon to his nursery class. Once we dropped him off, we started walking down the corridor to attend our Sunday School class, but I sensed, without question, something was weighing very heavy on Phil’s mind. I abruptly stopped right in front of him, put my hand on his chest and said, “What is it Phil? What are you thinking, cause I feel it to?!”
Phil immediately burst in to tears and motioned for us to head outside. We walked to our car to be alone and he quietly, yet firmly looked at me and said, “I can’t get that boy out of my mind. I don’t even remember what he looks like. I can’t even fathom taking in a child with such a condition, but I can not stop thinking about him.” I told him I was feeling the same and we both knew this was bigger than us.
After we attended our Sunday School, I moved on to teach Young Women and, unbeknownst to me, Phil left church during the third hour to find a quiet spot to pray to his Heavenly Father about this little boy. After the third hour was over, I walked out to meet my family in our normal gathering place and saw Phil standing by the front doors. I instantly knew he had an answer. I could tell from his face and from his spirit. When I walked up to him, he gently but powerfully gazed into my eyes and as bold and as sure as I’ve ever seen him exclaimed, “HE IS OUR SON!”
On our ride home, we contemplated what this could possibly mean to our family; that we most likely could be burying a child. We knew the risks involved, but every time we brought that up, Phil’s answer he received was so sure and unwavering that he said it did not matter, he was to be our son. If the Lord’s plan for this boy is to simply make sure he has an eternal family and decides to take him home early, then so be it, but he is to be our son.
So, off to the races…that night I emailed Suzanne and a few other advocates that we KNEW this little boy was to be our son. Of course they were elated. Being Sunday, there wasn’t a whole lot we could do until I spoke with my agency in the morning. However, they did say to be quick about it as there were a few other families that were also showing interest.
Monday morning came around and I immediately called Ky to let her know we wanted to lock Joshua. At first Ky didn’t seem to be in such a rush. She said, “If he has such serious conditions, I doubt anyone will lock him real soon.” But I told her that he was earnestly being advocated for on a number of websites, blogs and Yahoo groups because his condition is desperate. But, she told me there was nothing she could do because Mr. Li, their coordinator in China, was in bed. Mr. Li is AAI’s agent that searches the list and also locks the family with the child(ren) of choice. Of course I was heartbroken as I felt he was going to slip away.
Later that afternoon Ky emailed me and asked if I was in contact with a woman that has also been trying to lock him. No, but now I was worried. She then went on to say that no one could find his information on the shared list. This was certainly odd because he was just on the list the previous week. Usually if a child goes off the list it means two things, either a family has locked them or the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) has assigned the child to an agency. If a child is assigned to a particular agency, they go on what is called an individual list and in order to adopt them, you have to either adopt them directly from that agency, or if they are nice enough, they may release the file to your agency. But, the latter gets tricky and is not very common. You can only imagine how downtrodden I felt. We were so sure he was to be our son and to think that now he is either locked with another family or with another agency caused me great anxiety.
I called Phil within minutes to tell him the sad news. But, without skipping a beat he calmly said, “Kathy, he is our son. It will work out.” I was amazed. I tried to explain to him the red tape involved and how it looks like he slipped through our fingers because we weren’t quick enough to lock him and if he is with another agency, they most likely won’t release the file, etc. It didn’t matter to him. He still held his ground and told me to stop worrying, that he was our son and it was going to work out.
Fine, I’ll seek solace elsewhere. I then wrote to Suzanne and various adoption advocates that were working hard and long to get this little boy adopted. He’s missing, not on the shared list, what to do, what to do? Within minutes I received a flood of emails from them stating not to give up, that this poor little boy has been on and off the shared list more than any child they’ve ever seen and that it’s too early to say. Now to describe these women as angels is an understatement. A number of them even took it on themselves to start searching for him and even called numerous adoption agencies to see if his file was assigned to them. The love these ladies have for these kids, most they’ve never even met, is beyond amazing. There is truly a special place in heaven reserved just for them.
For two more days, we all frantically searched for his file. If a family has locked his file, hallelujah, this little boy finally has a family and be given the surgery he desperately needs. If an agency has his file, perhaps they might release his file to a family already committed to his adoption, knowing his condition is fatal. This little guy’s situation is just too severe to allow him to slip through the cracks again.
Wednesday came around and by this time, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I felt like I was the one that needed a heart transplant as my nerves were beyond repair, and my body was oozing with anxiety. While driving Amornthep to his therapy appointment, I said a prayer in my head asking if the Lord could give me an answer just as powerful as he did Phil. I felt my faith wavering and though I also felt he was to be our son, I didn’t feel I received such a strong, powerful answer that Phil received. I felt I was entitled to this. Upon finishing the prayer, I did get an answer. The answer was that I was to lean on my husband and through him, I have already received my answer about Joshua. This taught me a very valuable lesson, and so I continued to trudge forward, praying I could heed to the Lord’s guidance and simply rely on my husband’s unwavering answer.
That night, our family was preparing to go see the Bishop for temple interviews in preparation for Hana’s temple sealing. Right before we were to leave, I asked Phil if he would give me a blessing of comfort. I knew I needed to calm down and needed a Priesthood blessing to give me spiritual guidance and ease my heart and lack of faith. I admired Phil more than ever. During those past few days, Phil hadn’t wavered a bit regarding Joshua. He still knew Joshua was our son, and I felt very guilty for doubting.
I can’t reiterate the entire blessing as it was personal, but needless to say, the Lord ensured us that we were getting two children very quickly. That they had been prepared from the beginning for our family and that they were…here it comes…going to be healthy and be with us for a long time. When I heard this, my heart leapt. HEALTHY, could this mean Joshua? After the blessing I turned to Phil and asked, “Does this mean Joshua is still going to be our son?”
Once again, with unwavering faith and a stern look in his eyes, he slowly and deliberately announced, “HE IS OUR SON!” At that moment, I immediately relaxed. For the first time, I was FINALLY leaning on my husband and this time, I believed him. Of course, healthy kept coming to me and my husband and I have talked about that since, but because of that blessing, we have not worried about Joshua at all. Yes, we plan to get him to the doctor as soon as possible. We expect numerous surgeries and know it won’t be an easy trial. But, we have full confidence that if the Lord wants to heal this little boy, he will be healed. We pray the surgeries will do just that and, as he promised, he will live a long, full life.
Thursday came around and one of the ladies mentioned that they heard it through the grapevine that the file was assigned to an agency. Not 100% sure, but taking this as a plus, I contacted AAI again and asked if there was anyway we could request his file from the CCCWA, if he has not been locked by a family. Ky told me she already contacted Mr. Li to see if his file went to an agency. Ky told me to write a letter stating we were committed, and Mr. Li would forward the letter to CCCWA. Friday came and Mr. Li confirmed that the CCCWA did assign Joshua's file to another agency and that they were in talks with the agency to see if they would be willing to release the file to us if they did not already have a family interested.
This was the best news I had heard all week. Finally, we were getting closer to bringing Joshua home. By this time, my confidence was in full gear. After the blessing I received and leaning on my husband’s faith, and hearing this great news, I went in to the weekend with ease that I was going to someday bring this little boy home. I was later told that there were a number of families that were wanting to lock him and looking for his file. Nonetheless, I knew he was meant for our family so I did not let this news worry me. I look back now and wonder if perhaps the Lord had his file ‘hidden’ in order to preserve him for us. We are on the West coast and a number of those families were on the East coast. If his file was still on the shared list, they would have had their agencies lock his file way before we would have even had a chance to call AAI to begin the lock process. Though it seemed like such a hurdle at the time, it truly worked out for the best in the end.
Monday, June 20, one week and a day since we first gazed on Joshua’s picture, there it was, staring me in the face, the words, “LOOK WHO I HAVE!” It was an email from Ky sending me all of Joshua’s medicals, information and pictures. OH GLORY DAY! This meant that the CCCWA released his file to my agency and now, no one else can lock his file. HE IS FINALLY GOING TO BE OUR SON! I ran in to the kitchen where Phil was sitting and screamed, “WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIS FILE!” Immediately, he looked up and said, “Why are you surprised. Of course they have his file.” Well, I just didn’t know what to say. Then he jumped up, grabbed me in his arms, apologized for acting inconsiderate and said I absolutely had the right to be excited, that I worked hard to get this done and again, he should have been more excited with me. After he left for work, I just dropped to my knees, poured out my heart to my Lord, thanked him for watching over this little boy and paving the way to bring him to our eternal family, and apologized for my lack of faith. At that moment, I felt as if I was being embraced and all was well. I then felt as if the Lord was telling me he was so proud of Phil and I for continuing on our quest for this little guy, not giving up, and being willing to take him in to our family knowing his severe condition, and still following the promptings of the Spirit. GOD IS GREAT!!
That day I sent my letter of intent to lock his file. The process usually takes about a week from getting the letter, having it translated, being sent to the CCCWA, having it reviewed, and then getting a pre-approval (PA) for the child. We are still in the waiting stage for the PA, but VERY confident it will be approved.
Over the next few days we started to think of names for Joshua, or should I say Peng at the time. I printed out his picture so we could have it on our fridge. I pulled the picture down and we all started to throw out names. Everyone, including Amornthep came up with some very good names. Amorn even thought up Werner…where he got that I don’t know. Once we finished the list, we held up his pictures and started to say the names. As soon as Phil came to Joshua, we both looked at each other and knew; THAT IS HIS NAME. It just fit him like a glove. And the fact we both felt it at the same time, again, a testament that we were being directed to call him Joshua. We both would have never come up with that name, so we give all the credit to MaKayla as she was the one that was inspired. I looked up Joshua online and the name means, Jesus saves, Jesus is gracious! I was touched by this as I felt it to be absolutely fitting for this little boy. Phil has always loved the name Thomas, so I agreed he could give him his middle name. Thus, Joshua Thomas Burris is his name. Our new, eternal son!
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