First, we have four adopted children and soon to adopt two more from China. When it comes to adoption, we’ve done it all; domestic infant, domestic private, adoption disruption through foster care and International adoption. We even helped lead our sister to her newly adopted son from Thailand. He is our son’s best friend from their orphanage and they just came home with him a little less than a month ago.
Though many of you are interested in our current adoption experience with our two children from China, I do not feel it fitting to focus on this current experience without first relating our stories of our other four, precious angels. First, I feel it important for posterity sake. Second, our already adopted children are no less important and their stories are definitely worth the read. Third, perhaps someone is doing an adoption that may more closely relate to our previously adopted children. Therefore, our experience may assist you with your current adoption. Nevertheless, I would be amiss if I did not include a brief background of my current, four children.
But, even before I tell you of their amazing stories, I will give you a brief background of how my husband and I decided adoption was an option. I came to terms that my children would come to me through adoption at a very young age. Because of this personal experience, I never went through a major mourning period when my infertility was first discovered. Thus, I really don’t recall any moments of severe depression when I came to the terms that I would never have children of my own.
I have no idea why I did what I will describe next, but I firmly believe I was spiritually prompted; mainly due to the fact that this event has had such an impact on my life, and I am able to recall this memory with such accuracy and clarity. I was eight years old and it was a gorgeous summer day. My mother was in her bedroom doing laundry. I barged right in to her room and exclaimed, “Mom, I know how I’m going to have kids when I grow up!”
I can see my mother’s startled look and can only imagine what was going through her head. Her eight year old daughter just boldly announced how she is going to have babies. I’m sure her first thought was, ‘brace yourself, here it comes, time for the birds and bees talk.’ I can’t help but chuckle to myself as I reflect back on this scene…my poor mother.
But, in her typical calm voice she replied, “Really, how’s that?”
I firmly replied, “I’m going to adopt them!”
“Adopt them huh? Do you know what that word means?”
“Yep,” I again responded, “It means you buy your kids.”
She grimaced slightly, nodded her head, then looked at me and gestured in agreement. I suppose in her mind, for an eight year old, that was probably going to have to do and fairly accurate. I don’t recall our conversation after that, but I do remember that from then on, I ALWAYS wanted to adopt. When I was older and finally did understand the ‘birds and the bees,’ I was still going to adopt, no matter what. So, when I was unable to conceive, it never was a horrible, end of my world awakening. I was calm, and determined about adoption that it was of no shock and disappointment. Now, I know the Lord prepared me from a very early age. This knowledge has helped me realize, all the more, how special, unique and watched over each of my children are. I was prepared at the precious age of eight years old, and my children were prepared from before they were born, there is no doubt in my mind!
I’m going to pause for a moment and share with you another experience that I feel is very important for my children and posterity. When I was preparing to go on a mission for my church at the age of 21, I started to reflect on my decision and wondered if I was being selfish by prolonging my children from coming to earth and starting their mortal existence. I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, but I recognized that I would still be postponing their arrival by adding a solid 18 more months of NO dating and ultimately, finding an eternal companion. As I reflected on this over and over, I had a dream that is as vivid today as it was then. At first I was all alone in a building with tall, pure white walls. I started to walk and realized that there were turns every which way. I then realized I was in a large maze. Suddenly, I could hear voices. As I started to turn around each corner, I would see children, huddled together whispering. As I would walk closer to them, they would just stare at me and I would stare back and then continue on my journey.
After a number of turns and seeing all these children that ranged from very young to teenagers, I finally turned down a hall. It was empty and very long, but I felt compelled to go to the end. As I started to walk, the end seemed very long and my anxiety to get to the end grew and grew. For some reason, I KNEW I had to get to the end and I became fixated on getting there. Finally, I approached the end and turned the last corner. Just as I turned, there was a little girl, approximately the age of 5, in a beautiful green velvet-like dress with HUGE, deep brown eyes and gorgeous, wavy deep brown hair. She had an angelic smile and simply said, “It’s okay mommy, you can go back. I’m not ready to come down yet. Keep doing what you are doing and I will be with you soon.”
I immediately woke up and just started to cry. Of course, you guessed it, that little girl was my MaKayla. It was her as sure as I’m writing this. She didn’t come to our family for another 15 years. After my mission, I worked for a number of years at residential treatment centers and alternative schools for wayward youth. Looking back on this dream, I know that a number of those kids that I saw huddled together were the very same kids I worked and taught at these centers and schools. I was on the right path at that time in my life and it has always been of comfort to me to reflect on this dream and know that the Lord truly is the Master!
Every now and then I think about missing out on the experience of pregnancy…but then I talk to my sisters and sisters-in-law and those thoughts quickly dissipate. The way I look at it, at least with adoption, you know you’re getting a kid and in some cases, you know their gender right away, and you don’t have to go through stretch marks, morning sickness, hormonal imbalances, escalating body temperatures, and long, painful, possibly life-threatening agony. With that being said, it does NOT mean you do not go through AGONY when you adopt. Those of you who have, are and will go through it know absolutely what I am talking about. The paperwork, wait, more paperwork, rejections, more paperwork, government hassles, longer wait, going broke due to the heavy costs, paperwork….NO ONE CAN SAY A PERSON WHO ADOPTS DOES NOT GO THROUGH LABOR PAINS, and I mean labor of exhaustion from all the work involved.
When my husband and I were first married, he wasn’t opposed to the idea of adoption, but he did want to at least “try” to have progeny of our own. So, for a few years we ran the gauntlet of infertility drugs, artificial insemination, in-vitro…you know the drill. Of course, no luck, but I wasn’t at all surprised. I was married previously and even though it was for only a year, I knew then as I did with my current husband I was unable to conceive. Even though it was quite a traumatic time for my body, it was worth it as it helped my husband become more at peace with the idea of adoption. Of course, if you were to ask him now if there is any difference between bearing your own children and adopting, he would emphatically say ABSOLUTELY NOT. And then go on a long discourse how there is no difference in type or amount of love you give your children, no matter how they are placed in your care. AMEN!!
Enough about me, now on to what is really important…our children.
3 comments:
I loved your story. THANK you for sharing it.
I am so blessed to have you all in my life! you all are amazing! love you all!
what a wonderful story! Can't wait to see your updates!
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