AMORNTHEP LEE BURRIS

Amornthep (Amorn) Lee Burris is our second oldest child and third child to join our clan. Our journey to Amorn began during Phil’s deployment in Iraq back in 2008. About a month before he was to return, I started to think about adoption again. We knew he probably had another two years at Fort Polk, which would finally allow us enough time to finalize an adoption. However, we knew that it would NOT be enough time for an infant adoption, which meant we would need to look at adopting an older child. There are two choices for adopting an older child; one is through foster care and the other is going overseas. But, we tried to adopt through foster care when we lived in WA State for a few years and did not have the best experience. So, for the first time I decided to look at international adoption. I had shied away from this option previously, fearing the amount of paperwork, red tape, travel and cost. However, it seemed to be our only option at the time due to our time restraints.

After a few weeks of research, I decided to use an agency out of Port Angeles, Washington called Adoption Advocates International (AAI). Janelle Gray was my assigned agent and was amazing the whole step of the way. At the time, their program in Africa was my first choice. I felt Russia took too long and was too expensive. At the time I believed the red tape involved with China was too much and the wait for a healthy child was too long. So, for expediency and a cost we could handle, Africa seemed to fit the bill. Besides, for some reason MaKayla had been telling me for quite some time that she wanted a black sister. Well, here was our opportunity to fulfill this desire (more on this later).

I remember the day Phil returned from his deployment all too well. The excitement, anxiety and emotions were overwhelming. We were finally a family again. As we drove home from the redeployment ceremony, MaKayla said, “Dad, we’re going to get a black brother or sister, though I want a black sister really bad.”

“Is that so?” Phil questioned. He then turned to me for clarity. This had to be confusing for him because while he was in Iraq, anytime we discussed adding more children to the family, I dismissed it and acted like I was done with having more children. You have to understand, my husband was gone for a year and taking care of one child all by myself was hard enough, let alone the thought of taking care of more. Phil is seven years younger than me and he felt he was not finished. I, however, was pushing 40 and feared being in a nursing home by the time my last child left home. Of course, all unwarranted, ridiculous fears, but real for me at the time. So, why the change of heart? I really have no idea. I can’t put my finger on what happened that made me say, “gees, I want another child!” But, that did happen and timing was perfect. Phil quickly got on board with the idea.

I continued our conversation in the car by telling him I had found the agency I felt would best suit our needs and that I felt we needed to adopt outside the United States. I know many of you that have adopted, thought of adopting, or have even had opinions of those who have adopted have heard the adage, “why go outside our own country when we have so many children here in the United States that need homes.” RIGHT YOU ARE! But, until you try to adopt through the foster care system (which we have done twice now), you CAN NOT judge a couple that decides to go international. Foster care is NOT as easy as it may appear. The ‘horror’ stories you usually hear about are typically with foster adopt situations. Now, I’m a HUGE advocate of adoption and probably may even look at foster care adoption down the road again, but our personal experience has not been the best and, at that time, we were just not in the position to deal with the HUGE amounts of red tape and bureaucracy that foster adoptions require. I could go on and on about this subject, but that can be left for a completely separate post, and I will deal with it a little more when I discuss Hana. So, for now…back to the story.

The next day we were preparing breakfast and discussing adoption. Phil had grown up in a family where sign language was used frequently and he had grown to love the language. Phil turned to me and said, “You know, I always thought having a deaf child would be great. I don’t see being deaf as a disability.” We had discussed this before and I also agreed that I could handle a deaf child. Right after that comment, he turned to me and out of the blue suggested looking in to adopting from Thailand. Thailand had never even crossed my mind as an adoptable country. Why Phil thought of Thailand, to this day he can not say other than it just jumped in his head at that very moment. His comment peaked my interest so I immediately called Janelle at AAI to discuss our options and to let her know that Phil was now home and we were ready to begin the adoption process.

During our conversation, I again explained that we were willing to look at gender, the age range, and special needs we would be willing to accept. Then, at the end of my statement I said, “Oh, yeah, we would love to adopt a deaf child.” As soon as I made this statement, Janelle got very excited and said, “Deaf you say?! Really? Well, I have the perfect child for you. He is from Thailand and just as precious as he could be with the most gorgeous blue eyes.”

“BLUE EYES? From Thailand?”

“Yes, can you believe it? He has a condition called Waardenburg Syndrome that causes pigmentation and his pigmentation is in his eyes. The syndrome is the reason he is deaf. Oh Kathy, you and Phil just need to look at him. He is precious! I just know you’ll fall in love with him. Let me send you his profile.” On a side note here, Phil’s entire family have the most gorgeous, piercing blue eyes and almost all their children have inherited these gorgeous blue eyes. Thus, they love to tease Phil that he had to go all the way to a foreign, Asian country to get a blue-eyed child. Yes, I agree, it is ironic.

During that conversation, I hadn’t yet asked her if they had a program in Thailand so you can imagine my surprise when she said this little boy was from Thailand. When I got off the phone with Phil and told him, he was in awe and now VERY intrigued. Within minutes, there he was staring at us on my computer screen. In less than a minute, Phil and I knew HE WAS THE ONE! Yes siree…he was precious and we knew he was to be our son. I look back on this episode and marvel how fast it fell in to place. From beginning to end, no more than 30 minutes, we had found our eternal son. From almost one year and two weeks from that very day in early January, we were bringing our son home.

Our trip to Thailand was exciting, exhausting, and educational. We brought MaKayla with us, but had Phil’s sister in San Diego watch Brandon. I remember the moment Amorn walked through the door to greet us. We were looking at his photo album and no one told us they were bringing him to us so we were not prepared. His excitement upon seeing us was overwhelming. He immediately ran in to my arms, gave me the biggest hug, got off my lap and looked up at Phil. He then immediately stood in parade rest and saluted his new daddy. Phil was stunned by this gesture, but proud, and then Amorn rushed his legs with a huge hug. Yes, the waterworks began.

This post will go on forever if I recount the entire trip. Needless to say, I documented day by day during our stay in my journal and posted to family and friends. I will do my best to do the same when we go to China to pick up our other two newest additions.

There was one incident, however, that tore me to pieces, and I pray never to go through again. Due to the fact that he is deaf, and didn’t’ know a whole lot of sign at the time, communication was not the easiest. Amorn had a dear friend in the orphanage named Anon. The whole orphanage was very worried about separating these two boys and even pleaded with the Thai government to loosen their restrictions of only allowing unrelated child be adopted at the same time so that we could adopt them together; but to no avail.

Because of their amazing bond, the orphanage allowed us to have Anon spent one night as a last goodbye. What an experience, as I fell in love with Anon as he, like all children, was so endearing. But, all good things must come to an end and that terrible moment finally arrived when we had to take Anon back to the orphanage. Anon understood he needed to go back, but Amorn misinterpreted and thought we were taking both boys back to the orphanage. You can only imagine the look, pain and instant discord that came from that boy. He started to scream like a lamb going to the slaughter. I quickly picked him up and tried to explain that it was only Anon going back, but he was too distraught to understand. Then, to make matters worse, he went in his room to pack up the few personal items he owned, only for us to tell him they were to stay at the hotel. We thought this would help him understand he was staying, but to him, not only did he have to go back to the orphanage, but NOW he couldn’t’ even take his own belongs back with him. Oh the agony.

For the entire one-hour taxi ride back to the orphanage, there are no words to describe this boy’s anguish. He leashed out like a caged animal, screaming, hitting, pleading, pushing, and screaming even louder as if he was gong to his death. There was nothing we could do. No matter what we tried, we could not communicate that he was OUR SON and he was staying with us. The emotions that flooded my soul as I watched my poor little boy think that we didn’t want him anymore. The thoughts that had to have been going through his mind thinking he did something wrong, wondering why we didn’t love him. My eyes well up just thinking about it. It was one of the most traumatic, heart-wrenching experiences I’ve ever had to endure. And, as his mother, I could not console him. I felt completely helpless. There is nothing more powerful in a mother than wanting to make the ‘booboo’ go away. But, no matter what I tried, it only caused more pain.

Finally, we got to the orphanage. Phil and Anon got out of the car and with his amazing stoic upper lip, Anon walked off, hand in hand with Phil, believing he will never see his friend again. As for Amorn, as soon as he saw Anon leave the car without him, he FINALLY got it! He jumped in my lap, put his arms around me tightly and finally just gasped for his first real breath of air. No screams, nothing, just quiet. I felt his body quiver as his emotions started to subside. I dried off my tears of relief, when he finally pulled backward to look at me and then signed, “I was a bad boy.”

I just grabbed him, squeezed him even tighter, rocked him gently, and then after composing myself signed, “you are MY BOY and a very GOOD boy, and I LOVE YOU!” That gorgeous smile finally lighted his face once again and he just kept hugging me. As soon as Phil got back in the car, he jumped to the front seat in to his arms and embraced him. He then signed again that he was bad and Phil responded just as I had, with a huge hug, an 'I love you', and that he is our son. For the rest of the trip back to the orphanage, he just held me tight. Needless to say, Phil tipped our driver quite well that day.

Since Amorn has been home these past 1.5 years, he has been blessed to receive a cochlear implant and is scheduled to receive his second implant July 27. He is doing amazing, above and beyond what the doctors expected. He is one of the sweetest, kindest boys and is my biggest helper. He has such a huge desire to please and everywhere we go, people rave about his gorgeous blue eyes. But, more than anything, his personality takes the cake. He is so outgoing and charismatic that his deafness does not stop him at all. He is confident and makes friends so easy. Our family has learned sign language and we continue to become better people because of this little guy.

Honestly, I would say the adjustment to his adoption was more difficult than Brandon and MaKayla. Mainly because they were infants when we got them and we had time to bond before they become more independent souls. However, adopting an older child (Amorn was seven) is a whole other ball game. It takes more patience and the bonding does take longer, but it DOES happen. We can’t imagine our lives without him. We have been so enriched and his capacity and willingness to love is beyond description. Again, we know the Lord directed him in our lives and we are floored that someone, so far away, on a completely different continent was picked for us from the beginning. The saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” truly is the case here.

On another exciting note; you remember Anon, his dear, best friend. Phil’s sister and husband were so touched by their relationship and their separation, that they also had an amazing spiritual witness that Anon was to be their son. Just about a month ago, they brought Anon home from Thailand. Two weeks ago I just got back with Amorn from visiting his best friend and now cousin. Again, it amazes me that not only has Amorn’s adoption affected our lives, but his adoption eventually helped find my sister-in-law her eternal son. GOD IS GOOD, and so is our amazing, loving, blue-eyed boy Amornthep.